Valentine’s Day. A day for celebrating the joy in our relationships, be they romantic or with family and friends.
But these relationships all have something in common: they focus on the external.
And the reality of the situation is that the deepest love we will ever find lies within our own hearts.
Our lives are built around external perception and validation. Rarely do we stop and consider the deeper healing and love available to us if we simply turn our focus inwards.
What if I could fall deeply in love with myself?
What would that look like?
Who am I when I’m alone?
These are the questions I asked as I navigated divorce this year. And the answers helped me embody self-love in a way that I’d never experienced before. In short: I fell in love with me.
Here are the pillars of my self-love journey. Whether you’re partnered or single, you deserve to fall in love with you, too.
When was the last time you admired your naked body? Really looked at yourself, naked, in the mirror and thought, “Damn, I look good?”
For many of us, the answer is probably never.
When we’re naked, we’re often dissociated from our bodies. We’re taking a quick shower or getting dressed as fast as we can. Some of us take it a step further, noticing our nakedness but judging it as “weird” or “gross.”
I take time now to admire myself in the mirror, naked, prior to and after my shower or bath. To really look at my body and give thanks to it for carrying me through the day. Sometimes I even play music and dance while I’m naked, giving myself a cheeky little wink in the mirror. It’s fun and playful, and it makes me feel sexy in my body.
Take More Baths
Grab some yummy bath bombs, epsom salts, oils and a face mask or body scrub and make bath time a spiritual practice just for you!
Bathing is meditative and luxurious, a time for connecting to water energy and grounding into your body.
It’s not selfish to take an hour long bath multiple times a week. Or to bathe first thing in the morning, extending your routine far beyond the rushed and hectic norm.
Your soul craves this intimate connection with itself, on both a physical and spiritual level.
As an energy healer, I lean into that spiritual element. I know bath time for some means Netflix or reading, but I like to tap into the healing energy of water and focus on my chakras. I often concentrate the healing on my sacral (creativity, sexiness), solar plexus (confidence, how we outwardly express to the world) and heart (self-love) during these sessions. I place my hands on my body and imagine the tight or tense spaces in it, sending energy there to break up any stagnation. I get out of the bath feeling free, flowy and full of vitality.
The self-love party isn’t over after bath time! Take an extra moment to lovingly adorn your body with oils or lotion, connecting deeply with yourself in the process. It doesn’t have to turn into anything sensual but, if it does, so be it…
As you intentionally stroke your body, you can say any of the following affirmations:
- Thank you feet for carrying me throughout my day.
- Thank you legs for being so powerful and strong
- Thank you stomach for digesting my food
- Thank you arms for allowing me to lift myself and others up
You can also bring this practice into the evening and give yourself a foot massage. Self foot massages are a beautiful way to ground down and call in a restful night of sleep.
Twerk Out The Trauma
When I was in college, my girlfriends and I loved to have wild dance parties. It was pure joy and unadulterated divine feminine energy — until I told someone about our little gatherings and got made fun of. I felt embarrassed and I put that side of me away into a box.
I finally had to open that box back up because I love dancing. Nowadays, you can find me dancing alone in my home to 2000’s hip hop, shaking my hips, tossing my hair and having a blast while my dogs silently judge me from the couch.
Or, I might not even be at my house. You know the feeling when a song comes on and you freak out like, “YESSS this is my jam!!” and you just have to get up and dance? That happens to me everywhere: the grocery store, at dinner, on a walk. Life is meant to be enjoyed and that’s what I’m on a mission to do.
I say NO to “normalcy” and YES to being me. That means dancing in public and feeling the freedom and presence that comes along with it.
Try dancing wildly and unapologetically, even if it’s just for one song a day. Notice your feelings before and after you dance. You’ll find a sense of relief and levity as the song concludes, even if sadness or tears come up during the process. Feel it all and allow it to move through your body.
Get Rid Of Stuff You Hate
By getting rid of things that no longer serve you or align with your current vibration, you make space for new things that you actually love and enjoy.
In the midst of transition, it can be powerful to reassess your alignment in the following areas:
- How you dress and decorate your home
- How you show up for yourself
- How you express love to yourself
- How you want your relationships to look
Through my divorce, I’ve asked myself all of these questions and more. And reinventing how I dress has been one of the most fun.
I’ve invited divine feminine energy into my style and it’s had a powerful effect on my entire being. People notice the change and tell me that I look different. And good.
This expansion in how I outwardly express myself has shifted my self confidence and how I show up to work, social media, my writing, etc. By letting go of the clothes that no longer serve this new version of me, I am allowing myself to step into a new energy.
I invite you to do the same with whatever you choose.
Say “Hey Gorgeous”
According to Wayne Dyer, the majority of our thoughts are simply repeating from the previous day. When we look at the beliefs we’ve held onto since childhood, we can see what an impact these habitual patterns can have on how we love ourselves.
How you talk to yourself every day is important. Begin by asking yourself these questions:
- How were you taught to treat yourself?
- What stories do you tell yourself over and over again?
- How have those stories turned into beliefs over time?
- How can you speak to yourself more gently?
Then notice the thoughts and stories that you tell yourself over a 24-hour period. Begin to consciously shift them from nasty or hurtful to loving and kind, speaking to your inner goddess or best friend.
What if every day for a week, you looked in the mirror at your naked body with loving eyes that see how miraculous it is that you’re here? That you’re living right now with this amazing, perfect, unique, amazing body to carry you through it? How might your whole life shift with this one change?
If you’re feeling really bold, look into your own eyes and say, “Good morning gorgeous,” followed by a wink. It might sound cheesy, but it’s powerful. You might even turn yourself on!
Missy is an Integrative Energy Healer and the Community Manager at Wellness Official. You can find her on Instagram at @missymccrickard. She’d love to hear about your own self-love journey!