For the month of love, we sat down (virtually) with author, speaker, artist and literal goddess on earth Alexandra Roxo for her guidance on connecting to the divine feminine within. Here, she shares her wisdom on healing trauma, taking back your power and embracing your wildness so you can step into that goddess energy too.
Wellness Official: In your book, I was surprised to find that, before you can actually “f*ck like a goddess,” there’s some deep personal healing work that needs to be done. Can you talk a little bit about those initial steps towards embracing your authentic self that lay the groundwork for inviting in more divine feminine energy?
Alexandra Roxo: In my book, I say f*cking like a goddess is making love to life and letting life make love to you. Instead of trying to control life or resisting its flow, choosing to open as if you and life are in ecstatic communion. So much of our human existence is in trying to manage our outcomes or fearing the “what ifs,” but when we instead choose to be in cahoots with life, we find ease on our path. That’s what I mean by f*cking like a goddess. It’s not literal — it’s poetic and metaphoric. That’s me for ya.
In order to really embrace your authentic self and invite in more of that divine feminine energy, you have to get rid of all the junk that doesn’t serve you. The old programming and beliefs that might’ve come from your parents, your culture or your religion.
The first step is to identify that they exist. For example, “Wow I still think I’m not lovable if I don’t wear a size four. Interesting. Okay cool, what else is stuck in me that I need to get rid of?”
Through that process, we’re able to take out the trash, let go of the baggage and make space for our own choices about who we are and what we believe. And that allows us to let in more divine feminine energy because we are becoming more nature. We’re letting ourselves bleed, we’re letting ourselves orgasm, we’re letting our bodies be as they are without trying to change and control them. That is divine feminine energy. It is nature in motion. It is the brilliance of color and sound, the way we dance, the way we move our hips, the noises we make. Allow all of that to come from the truth and from your heart and soul instead of your conditioning.
WO: As women and femmes, we often hold so much shame around our sexual organs and womb space. How do we do the work of shifting that shame into reverence, both personally and communally?
AR: First, we have to grieve. We must grieve for all the times we hated ourselves, we hated our bodies, we hated our periods, and we were angry, ashamed or sad. There’s a grieving when you realize, “Oh my God! I’ve spent half my life not being in this gorgeous, ecstatic union with my body or without celebrating my menstruation. Without understanding that I can have all these different types of orgasms and that they’re all beautiful. Without knowing that my body is perfectly fine as it is.”
Allow yourself to feel that sadness and, when it has passed, shift into the reclamation of your body, of your orgasm, of your womb space. Take the day off when you start bleeding. Put on music and dance around the house. Shake it out. Let your tears flow. Don’t hide your emotional being because it’s less “productive.” We must perform a total rewrite of the narrative around our bodies, our wombs, our orgasms and our femininity, and we get to experience that both personally and communally.
As a community, we must also respect and honor that every woman and femme is different. I like to take the first day of my moon cycle to create a little red tent at home and moan and groan and cry and scream and laugh and eat tons of chocolate, but another woman might have a completely different experience. Who knows, she might want to run five miles! Let’s be kind and inclusive to the fact that we’re all unique and that our rituals and ceremonies may change with time. We are allowed to transform and grow.
WO: Now for the juicy stuff. I’d love to hear about some of your favorite practices for calling in and elevating the divine feminine.
AR: My first recommendation is to create a relationship with the moon. The moon is such a potent symbol for the feminine — the unconscious, that which cannot be named or seen, the divine mystery, the numinous. The sun dictates our days: we get up, we work, we go to sleep when the sun goes down. It also governs our external selves and how we show up in our careers. Let the moon dictate your inner cycle – your emotional and spiritual self.
Another powerful practice is to deepen your relationship with Goddess, any feminine deities or Mother Nature. Look outside the traditional paradigms of patriarchal religions and find what works for you, digging into your own ethnic and cultural background and finding any rituals or ways of celebrating the feminine that resonate.
Begin to truly honor your menstrual cycle, developing sacred ceremony and changing the way you speak about your period. Notice when you get mad at your body for simply doing exactly what it needs to do. Notice what you’re putting into her too. Is it a bleached cotton tampon or a bunch of pain killers? Neither is bad, but just be conscious of if you actually want to make those choices.
Beyond elevating your moon cycle, create a spiritual, emotional and psychological relationship with your pussy/yoni and notice the feelings that exist there. Notice that there is an intuitive instinctual response that happens in your womb and your cervix. Notice if there’s any healing that needs to be done there – I recommend using a crystal wand for that work. Create a self-pleasure practice that’s not about coming to orgasm, but just about exploring your body. This can be really emotional and intense if you’re doing it from a place of depth. You’ll find that you cultivate not just a deeper relationship with your yoni, but also a deeper understanding of your anatomy.
WO: 2020 felt like a challenging year to be a goddess. Being at home and on zoom all day doesn’t exactly activate our innate sensuality! Do you have any tips for inviting in more pleasure and joy during this shift in how we live our lives?
AR: Yes, yes and yes. I’ve had to really dig deep with this one in supporting many women and clients in this last year as we’ve shifted our lives to mainly being online. If we sit at our computer for X hours a day, we also need to be in some sort of movement for X hours a day. Now, it’s highly unlikely that if you spend four hours at the computer you’re going to spend four hours dancing, but think of it like that because when you’re sitting at the computer, you’re practicing stillness. You’re practicing not being in your emotional being, in your spiritual being. You’re practicing productivity, you’re practicing organization. So to counteract that, you want to spend as much time practicing freedom, practicing wildness, practicing surrender, practicing eroticism. I am not willing to lose my femininity and my sensuality because of productivity.
For me, sensual dance is the quickest, easiest way to activate that energy. I highly recommend engaging with an online sensual dance class or creating a playlist where you just move sensually for 20-30 minutes alone in the mirror. To accentuate the practice, you might get dressed in a certain way that highlights your sensuality, give yourself massages with yummy oils and just notice if you start to move or walk or talk in a way that is more from that productive, organized being or if you can stay in your sensual being. If you’re in partnership, develop rituals that call you out of your work self and into your sensual, feminine self in the evening so you don’t just come from the computer into your lovemaking and romance. Take time to stop, maybe take a bath, and change clothes and notice the shift in your nervous system.
WO: I love hearing your take on the archetypes that we can call on to embody our divine femininity. Is there an overarching archetype that you’re calling on this year? What about an archetype for the collective?
AR: I was in an underworld goddess archetype and then solo priestess archetype for a while, which weren’t the most sexual or sensual for me personally, so now I’m resurrecting my sacred slut. In my life I’ve been extremely sexually curious and I’ve had a whole previous relationship with that, and this year I’m letting myself find my inner teenager who loves to do stripper dances, who can move her ass in a certain way that is so fun and joyful and free. She has reverence but has not wrung out the parts of her that are more irreverent and transgressive.
For the collective, I’d call upon the wild woman. It might seem a little trite, but how many women do you see who are truly embracing wildness in their bodies? It’s kind of an antidote for the perfectionist archetype that many of us hold. If you find yourself dipping heavily into the perfectionist, imagine dancing topless by the ocean – how awesome and liberating that feels. I have both a strong wild woman and a strong perfectionist. I love to dance naked and swim in rivers, I like to pee and poop outside, I like to take plant medicines and make love in a field. But then my perfectionist can also show up pretty intensely and, when she does, I know it’s time to let my belly get soft, let my thighs get jiggly and go play in nature.
In these digital / virtual / locked down times, I feel it’s about getting wild and free as much as we can, getting into our juicy bodies and enjoying them, not getting so virtual that we forget them.
Also, many of us have developed our fierceness really beautifully in the past few years which was and still is VERY necessary, but we can’t get stuck in that. We need breaks and we deserve the nourishment of other parts of femininity. We have to continue to develop those other parts of ourselves and let them out to play so they don’t go into shadow, where we might get depressed or anxious or hardened because something in us is very unexpressed. That’s why we practice, we study, we move, we dare to swim against the stream and dream a new world. And that is why I have devoted myself to this work in retreats, my book, workshops and mentorships. I’m committed to supporting other women in the journey of getting free.
Photo credit: Inna Shnayder